I Really Don’t Want to Be Homelander’s Psychiatrist

On the very first day of his transmigration, a sunny, golden-haired all-American boy sits across from the therapist and confesses a secret deadly enough to get him killed ten times over. "I did something terrible to a female colleague last week, and now I regret it... Doctor, do you think I'm a monster?" Answer yes, and Homelander will burn him to ash on the spot. Answer no—having heard such a grave secret—he'll still get incinerated. Forced to keep his composure, the therapist replies: "From a psychological standpoint, what you need right now isn't confession." Homelander looks up. "Then what?" A two-second pause. "A follow-up appointment." From that day forward, the Seven start walking into his office one by one. But Queen Maeve grows increasingly misanthropic, the Deep is forced by his colleagues to kneel on a mat, the new A-Train is desperate for fame, Black Noir is a hardcore otaku… and Homelander keeps coming back every single day to unburden his soul. Until one day, Homelander claps him on the shoulder and says: "Doctor, my friend, you're the only one who truly understands me." But he really, really doesn't want to be Homelander's psychiatrist.