My Left Hand Insists It's Batman in the Marvel & DC Universe

After transmigrating into the American comic book universe, my body suddenly develops a mind of its own. My left hand thinks it's Batman, slamming my bank card onto every POS terminal in sight. My right hand thinks it's a sorcerer—specifically a perverted one—ambushing female heroes, male heroes, and even King Shark alike. Later, it claims it just couldn't see the path and introduces itself as John Constantine. Meanwhile, my left leg thinks it's Spider-Man, my right leg thinks it's the Hulk, all my internal organs think they're Superman, and my brain thinks it's Deadpool. I've somehow settled into a lifestyle where my left side is righteous while my right side is mischievous; my right hand is responsible for betraying friends and casting spells, while my left hand focuses on spending money like water and picking fights. Day by day, my life grows increasingly lonely and impoverished. When I finally meet the real superheroes, I chew them out for failing to do their jobs properly. They tell me I'm crazy, that all of this is just a hallucination, and that I'm the only one actually wreaking havoc. Hah, what a joke. How could it possibly be a hallucination? Clearly, I've got every single one of your copied powers! (Also known as: American Comics: Conquering the Multiverse Starting from Ruling Gotham) Protagonist's Brain (Deadpool): "Bro, is false advertising like this really going to attract readers..." Protagonist Oleg: "Don't worry about it. As long as the end result is right, what's wrong with a few twists and turns along the way?!"